In a trial, a small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to
the stand. The witness was grand motherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know me?” She responded, “Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a young boy and frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you!”
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, “Mrs. Jones. Do you know the defence attorney?” She again replied, “Why yes, I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He’s lazy, bigoted and he has a drinking problem. He can’t build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women, one of them was your wife. Yes, I know him!” The defence attorney almost died.
The judge asked both counsellors to approach the bench, and in a very quiet voice, said, “If either of you bastards asks her if she knows me, I’ll throw you in jail for contempt!”
A pretty blonde walks into a bar and asks the handsome fellow at the bar what he’s drinking.
He says, “Magic beer. You want one?”
“Aw, that’s stupid. There’s no such thing” she says.
“Look, I’ll show you”. He takes a big swig and proceeds to throw himself out of a nearby window, where he proceeds to fly up and around the building, and back into bar window.
“That’s incredible! I don’t believe it!” she says.
“Hey barkeep, throw me another one o’ them Magic Beers”.
The bartender shakes his head and pours another beer and slides it down the bar. The man chugs about half of it and proceeds to leap out the window and circle the building again.
“Here, you try it” he says to the blonde.
She takes a big draw on the glass, jumps out of the window, and falls about 30 feet to the ground – breaking both her legs – and begins screaming in pain.
The bartender says, “Superman, you’re a real bastard when you’re drunk.”
Our heart truly goes out to this kid. He has taken the effort to go buy a rose and to track down where Megan Fox was going to be so he could give the rose to her. He was literally a foot away with the rose until Megan Fox gave him the cold shoulder. The kid is probably heartbroken now and weights 300lb – Thanks, Megan.
According to bitcoin.it, the first (25$) pizza bought using Bitcoin was paid for using 10000 BTC in 2010. At today’s exchange rate that is about $6.7 million, just think about it.
Floridian Laszlo Hanyecz thought it would be “interesting” to be able to say he paid for a pizza in bitcoins. He worked out a deal where he transferred 10,000 of his bitcoins to a guy in England, who ordered him two pizzas from Papa Johns.
This happened to me yesterday. Had to struggle to pick something out for like 20 minutes, but when I got it it was so satisfying. It was one of those ones that feels like it’s coming out of your brain. I actually find it easy to get in there without long fingernails. You don’t have to worry about causing your nose to bleed.
The following is purportedly from the US Government Peace Corps Manual for its volunteers who work in the Amazon Jungle. It tells what to do in case you are attacked by an anaconda.
1. If you are attacked by an anaconda, do not run. The snake is faster than you are.
2. Lie flat on the ground. Put your arms tight against your sides, your legs tight against one another.
3. Tuck your chin in.
4. The snake will come and begin to nudge and climb over your body.
5. Do not panic
6. After the snake has examined you, it will begin to swallow you from the feet and – always from that end. Permit the snake to swallow your feet and ankles. Do not panic.
7. The snake will now begin to suck your legs into its body. You must lie perfectly still. This will take a long time.
8. When the snake has reached your knees slowly and with as little movement as possible, reach down, take your knife and very gently slide it into the side of the snake’s mouth between the edge of its mouth and your leg. then suddenly rip upwards, severing the snake’s head.